I Keep My Sex Life Spicy… even after 12 years of marriage!

We had a little camping holiday last week. A holiday we do each year with my in-laws. Now, I usually enjoy camping. I love the crisp early mornings when I’m the first one up and I can enjoy that first cup of coffee in the morning outside on the grass with just the birds chirping and leaves rustling.

Then I went and had kids. And the blissful serenity was replaced with tiny little hands and feet climbing, pulling, and scratching as they scamper over me while I try desperately to just get a couple more minutes of sleep. And instead of birds and rustling leaves, we now have giggling, laughter, shrieks and just all-around chaos. 

I am not complaining, I love every single bit of it. I don’t even mind the lack of sleep or the fact that my bed is now their domain. I honestly never even realized so much was missing in my life, I do strongly advise though, not to go camping with twin toddlers because it was mayhem and honestly, almost ended my marriage.

So when my eldest was born, we co-slept. Having a newborn in your bed would normally spell out doom for your sex life and relationship with your partner. In our case, it was an absolute lifesaver. My husband, whom I lovingly and without judgement or any resentment WHAT SO EVER, refer to as Mr Vanilla. He was always very much a in bed, under the covers, lights off, no cats in the room, same positions kind of guy. And try as I might have, it was really difficult to get him to try new things. I am the opposite, so it has been an interesting road. But when that tiny baby came along, Mr Vanilla was forced to either adapt or go without. As I very vividly explained to him, I would not be going without if he so chose. So 6 weeks later I found myself finally having sex with my husband on the stairs. And that’s when I realized this baby in our bed situation, was going to do wonders for my marriage.

Jump to a few years later, two more kids, twins no less, all in our bed. Mr. Vanilla now sleeps in my eldest’s room and I sleep with all the kids in our bed. He grumps about this all the time but honestly, I love having my babies close by and I like not having to deal with his snoring at night. One day he’ll be back next to me when the kids no longer want to spend every moment of every day with me.

After the twins were born, he insisted on getting the snip. I thought it a tad invasive, but he was rather insistent. When he finally went for his post-op test to see if the little swimmers were still kicking about, we had to abstain for almost a week and honestly, it was the toughest week of my life! We went from almost daily to none for a week and it was all very exciting. But then something happened, I guess life just butt in. Suddenly it was go time but he had to work nights, then I was working on a new project for a client and I was too exhausted, then the school holidays started and my eldest was up late every night, then one of the babies was teething and wouldn’t sleep without me holding him, then someone got sick & I was up all night rubbing tummies and cleaning up vomit. 

Jump to one whole month later of no sex whatsoever and we are in a campsite with two tiny toddlers and my nerves are absolutely shot. I was at the end of my tether, had a little meltdown, screamed and cried and threatened. It was horrendous. So this was last week, we get home and I swear to not take these kids camping again until they’re older and I am seriously evaluating whether or not my marriage is worth all this unhappiness. 

So Mr Vanilla is going to a festival today for two nights. A festival filled with young, stupid, drunk girls, I am sure as hell not sending that man there on his own with a loaded gun right? So last night I put all the kids to bed, go downstairs and turn our living room into a debaucherous den of sexcapades.

Okay well, perhaps not quite as adventurous as I would have liked, but definitely more so than Mr. Vanilla usually goes for. There was a bit of role-playing, some not-so-frequent positions used, lots of dirty talk and best of all? No fighting, no bickering, just lots of agreement.

I know it is not one of the official love languages, but sex is definitely what keeps my relationship on track. Without it, I get cranky. If we cannot connect sexually, it does seem to cause a bit of a rift between us. Even if we’re having pretty mediocre sex, so long as we are connecting, it keeps us good. It doesn’t even have to be actual sex, oral sex, or handy jays, these work too. It keeps things interesting and exciting and we often find ourselves sneaking around the house, quick make-out sessions when we meet on the stairs, or a sneaky little tease while he’s cooking. A few weeks ago he said something which made me realize that it’s all my doing. One evening he meets me at the top of the stairs and I was like oh honey I’m so tired and he says to me; “Please honey, you’ve been grabbing my cock all day, just a quick one.”

Oh so how about that, I thought he was kind of not really bothered but it turns out he’s acting all nonchalant but in fact is counting down the hours till bedtime. Other than the constant attacking of belt and zip, trying to get my hands on him, the sexy text messages, all the dirty whisperings in his ear, ALL DAY LONG, remember to occasionally mix it up with some lingerie, red lipstick or set up your phone to record yourselves. 

Please remember that if you are going to try your hand at amateur porn, which I can attest is a majorly fantastic endeavour. Just knowing that you are being recorded is a turn-on. Sometimes watching yourselves after isn’t as great as you would have liked. I would suggest learning a bit about lighting, angles and video editing if you would like a more polished end product. Although, when you are enjoying the moment, loving the activity and don’t care about what you may or may not look like, it does tend to make our partners much more into the whole thing. Confidence, no self-doubt, not caring about your mum pouch or stretch marks and just letting loose, will make it much more enjoyable for the both of you.

But self-love, I suppose is much easier said than done and we have dedicated a section just for this in the You, Yourself & No One Else section of our blog. We will be discussing this in more detail and hopefully, in the process help someone out there love themselves just a little bit more.

I hope that you have enjoyed reading this post, it is my first one here on our new blog. We will be discussing it in further detail in a podcast soon. Along with many other sexy and tantalizing things!

Happy humping,

Monica